Accessorized With Children

Accessorized With Children

Captain’s log, stardate 72409.7. We have entered a spectacular binary star system in the West Hollywood sector of LALA land on a most critical mission to seek culture in SoCal. I am in a veritable paradise. A rose golden wonderland filled with cosmopolitan delights.

In an alternate universe I would wear cool specs and saunter into Moon Juice to order a deep chocolate sex coffee. Instead imagine someone’s thrown crumbs all over me, put bowling balls in my hands and tied my feet together. That’s how it feels to do cities with a toddler and a 6 year old. You can look but you better not touch.

3 Things you can’t do in LA do when accessorized with children:

1. Walk – No one walks in LA. Especially not with a toddler. It’s the equivalent of navigating a busy thoroughfare with a hyper chihuahua running wild. After 3 blocks of near death experiences we were cursing our big plan for a “relaxing” vacation.

2. Be cool – LA guys have this studied, expensive, disheveled appearance and the girls are anorexic with porcelain skin and a bobby pin placed just so. Both look really jaded and unimpressed. I too wanted to sit quietly with my coffee, stare boredly at my phone waiting for life to happen to me. In sharp contrast, I was disheveled and my nerves were frazzled from trying to corral a 2 year old screamer; keep him quiet and entertained.

3. Read the writing on the wall – We had to pat ourselves on the back for visiting museums at all. If we could teach our kids one or two facts about Venus or Mars we considered our job done. Forget about impressing upon them the coolness of our natural and cultural worlds. Forget about the fact that I could read only two words of every wall text I passed. Discovery is a process.

Toodles & ta ta,

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